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Thursday, March 29, 2012

9 weeks!

Total Weight Loss/Gain:  forgot to weigh myself this morning.

Maternity Clothes: I have enough clothes to wear for now. 

Sleep: Still need my afternoon naps to function better.  I open my mouth when I sleep so when I wake up from my naps, my mouth is SO dry like sandpaper.  It never felt that way before.  I always keep water nearby on my night stand.  Sleep at night is restful.

Movement: Not yet.

Cravings/Aversions: Craving mostly Asian foods...had Chinese tonight!  Coconut water quenches my thirst.  I don't have any aversions. 

Symptoms: Still tired and that's about it. 

What I miss: I'm pretty content, but if I had to name something it would be playing 18 rounds of golf and eating sushi.  I may just have to go out and hit a few balls, but take it easy.

What I look forward to: Looking forward to our 3rd u/s and seeing the baby with J on Monday night. 

Moods: I feel normal, but when I'm hungry, J says I'm cranky and abrasive.  Our first year of marriage, J, learned pretty quickly that I didn't do well on an empty stomach.  In the beginning, he was confused by my behavior and asked why I was being mean.  Poor guy!  At the time, I didn't know I had blood sugar issues, and I would feel SO much better after I ate something substantial.  I would be myself again and J got his wife back.  There've been countless times I'd have to apologize to DH (darling husband), family, and close friends/roomies for my weakness.  I pack snacks in my purse for emergencies, but snacks only hold me over for so long.  DH can go without breakfast and regular feedings, but he'll pack me a banana or something for the road.  I ask him if he wants a bite of it and he usually declines because I think he knows I need it more than he does.   Some mornings, we don't have enough time to eat breakfast because we probably slept in and he'll stop by somewhere so I can get something in my belly.  By now, J's figured out when he needs to feed me because sometimes I don't catch it myself, but the pregnancy is adding on a new element of hunger.  This is marriage...we figure out the things that trigger an emotion or set us off and we try to help each other with them.  J's accepted me for the way I am, even though it's not pretty sometimes, and he helps me through it.  Already, I've said, "I'm sorry honey for _______________, I was hungry."  Anyone else experience this?



Milestones: According to babycenter.com:  our baby is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain.

Medical concerns:  None.  Deb, NP, from RE's office called with my TSH level from Monday and it's at .85, which is good because I need to be between 1-2.  I'm glad I don't need to increase my dosage.  D said I didn't need to find an endocrinologist since checking my thyroid once per trimester was fine, which is common practice at the OB.  It's a relief that I don't need to find another doctor.  :)

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

1st OB appointment

Yesterday, @ 10:30 am, I had my 1st OB appointment and was the only person in the waiting room.  The office was clean and inviting.   I didn't have to sign-in since it was just me and was asked for my paper work that should've been mailed to me.  Unfortunately, I never received it and had to quickly fill it out to the best of my knowledge.  Thankfully, I wasn't holding anyone up!

Susan, office nurse, took my weight and led me to an examination room to take my blood pressure.  She congratulated me and we had some small talk.  The nurse proceeded to ask me questions about my miscarriages to input the data into her laptop.  I was told that they didn't receive my file from my RE because Gloria didn't call them back.  First, my paperwork wasn't mailed to me and now they don't have my history!  This place is disorganized.  Ugh!  She wanted dates and I didn't have any to share because I had blocked it out.  I told her the ones that were the most recent and she had to figure out what to input for the rest. 

I forgot how it feels to update new and old docs about your status because it brings up old hurts.   It would've been better if I received the new patient packet in the mail to complete in the comforts of my own home and if they had reviewed my history before my arrival.  Midway through my appointment, the office received my records from my RE, but it was too late because my blood pressure was already up.  Once the questioning was over, I had to change into a blue robe.

Phyllis, NP, came in and asked me about my meds and family history.  Looking at my last u/s, P said I was 5 weeks and 5 days, putting my delivery date at October 30.  P said I was 9 weeks today and I was confused because I'm 9 weeks on Thursday.  P explained that looking at the u/s picture and the baby's size, she's able to determine my DD.  It's only a 2 day discrepancy, so I'm going to continue on with my ivf time line.  Either way, only about one baby in 20 is born on the actual due date.  Did your baby came on his or her predicted day?  Phyllis proceeded with a breast exam and pap test.  She said I may spot and said I would bleed due to the pap.  I cringed the entire time and she said, "See!" (the blood) and I said, "ok."  I felt P was trying to reassure me and say that everything's ok.  Thankfully, I didn't spot for the rest of the day.

Susan returned and did some BW (blood work).  I asked S if she could try my right arm first since I my left was poked yesterday to check my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) yesterday at Quest.  S complied and tried my right arm first, but the vein didn't cooperate.  My left had to be poked again and she got her 5 viles filled.  Thankfully, I won't need BW again until I'm @ 26-27 weeks.  Before leaving, I had to provide a urine sample.

I spent an hour and half at my first appointment.  I'm hoping future appointments won't take so long and they'll be more efficient.  I meet with one of the 5 doctors, Dr. G, in 4 weeks on Friday, April 27.  In the meantime, I have to schedule my 1st and 2nd u/s, and reconnect with Dr. M because the OB's office policy is to check TSH levels 1X/trimester and I believe Dr. M would like it checked 1X/month.

I'm adjusting to the new practice.  Dr. M spoiled me by providing consults, bw, and ultrasounds all in one place and within one appointment.  Plus, I felt at ease when I had regular check in's with my RE to make sure things were OK.  With the OB, I meet with them less frequently and my ultrasounds are scheduled in different locations.  My level of care has changed and I'm slowly getting to know the OB team in my new practice.  Bottom line:  I'm learning to trust new people again and it's going to take time.   

On my way out, I had some insurance issues to figure out and needed to make some calls.  It got sorted out and things are OK.  My first appointment taught me that I need to ask specific questions about the appointment beforehand so I know what to expect and follow up when it can help matters.  

Thursday, March 22, 2012

8 weeks today!

I'm having fun with my first dabbling with ICLW and enjoy getting to know fellow ALI (adoption, loss, and infertility) friends.  I'm still lurking around and trying to meet my 6 comments a day quota, but I find myself just wanting to read your stories and soak it all in.  On BattleFish's blog, Heather uses the format below and I like it's simplicity.  She gave me permission to use it as she saw it somewhere else.  It's fun to share!

Total Weight Loss/Gain:  2.8 lbs. on an empty stomach

Maternity Clothes: I bought 2 maternity jeans @ 6 weeks due to my OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome).  I'm sporting a bump!  Last week, I went shopping with some friends and bought 2 shirts and a white cardigan.  Thanks to my SIL, I'm good with pj's. 

Stretch marks: Not yet.

Sleep: I need my afternoon naps.  I feel rested after a 2 hr nap, an hr. nap doesn't seem to be enough.  I'm sleeping well at night since the fluid in my abdominal cavity has subsided.   

Movement: Not yet.

Cravings/Aversions: I crave Korean food all the time and it seems to be the most satisfying.  I esp. want to eat any kind of jigae's (Korean soups/stews).  I'm eating American food too, but I like it to have some hot sauce on it, which is atypical of me.  J likes his food to have some kick and adds hot sauce or sriracha sauce on almost everything.  I don't have any aversions. 

Gender: We won't find out for a while and will be content with a boy or a girl. 

Symptoms: I only feel fatigue, no morning sickness.  I'll take it as a blessing. 

What I miss: I miss being with my SIL, BIL, and 3 nephews.  The boys have been sick a lot this winter and I had to stay away.  I've missed playing with C, J, & D.  We'll be seeing them this Sun, so that makes me happy! :)

What I look forward to: I look forward to my first OB appointment on Tuesday, March 27 and having my questions answered. 

Moods: I feel normal, maybe a bit more weepy.

Milestones: According to babycenter.com, our baby is the size of a kidney bean and is constantly moving and shifting, though I still can't feel it.  At 8 weeks, webbed fingers and toes are poking out from our baby's hands and feet, eyelids are practically covering his or her eyes, breathing tubes extend from the throat to the branches of the developing lungs, and our baby's "tail" is just about gone.  In the brain, nerve cells are connecting with one another, forming primitive neural pathways.  The external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal whether we're having a boy or a girl. 

Medical concerns:  None.

Misc:  J and I have been watching a Korean drama called Dong Yi and there's infertility issues with the Queen and the consort's son who is the next heir to the thrown.  During dynasty times, the only way to treat IF was herbally.  So thankful, we have other advances at our disposal. 

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

March ICLW

Welcome ICLW (International Comment Leaving Week) bloggers and friends!  Earlier this year, DH (darling husband) and I started icsi ivf after multiple losses and an ectopic last year in April.  I'm thankful to have a bfp (big fat pregnancy) and am currently 7w6d pregnant with a singleton.  I was released from my RE (reproductive endocrinologist) on March 15 and will meet with a NP (nurse practioner) on March 27 at the OB's office.  I've had excellent care with my RE and am told that seeing an OB is an entirely different experience.  I'll soon find out how the next chapter will unfold and am enjoying each day we have with our baby. 

Whether you're ttc your 1st, 2nd, or 3rd...it's a process in the presence of ALI (adoption, loss, and infertility) and my roller-coaster ride is with loss and IF.  With the 1st anniversary of our ectopic coming up next month, my grief is beginning to resurface.  Being pregnant helps in that I won't despair, but it doesn't mean that I've forgotten my losses and that I'm miraculously cured from my grief.  I'll grieve the ectopic as I look through the memory box I made last year to remember my child who was growing in my left tube.  I tear up just thinking about it. 

I gather some bloggers who stop by may be hesitant to engage with me because I'm pregnant.  I'm not offended and completely understand.  I've walked in your shoes and will face IF again since I have PCOS and Hypothyroid and would like to grow our family.  If you're worried that I'm going to complain about my pregnancy, you won't hear complaints from me.

This is my 1st time participating in ICLW and I look forward to getting to know you better.  Thanks for visiting and taking a look around.  I certainly can't make it on my own, am proof that there's hope, and "with God all things are possible."  Praying you get your bfp or approved adoption!

Friday, March 16, 2012

Heartbeat @ 7 weeks!

Our baby's heart is strong and beating twice as fast as my heart!  It took Janice, u/s tech, a minute to find the baby because the uterus was hiding underneath my bladder.  Janice said the baby must be a girl because she was giving her a hard time and being stubborn.  We laughed!  After oohing and awwing at the flickering heartbeat on the screen, Janice was able to capture the baby's heartbeat for a quick second.  It was the most amazing sound I ever heard, I teared up, and felt so much joy!  The baby is 5mm and doing well!
 
The baby's heartbeat is located between the 2 white dashes.  Along the white line is the heartbeat doppler.
We met with Dr. M for our last consult and it was bitter sweet.  Dr. M asked how I was feeling and if our parents knew the news.  I told him that I felt great, just fatigued, and how our parents are thrilled.  Dr. M enjoyed hearing our parent's response and shared his thoughts of how having a baby doesn't just affect the couple, but everyone around us including family and friends.  Dr. M had a pleased look on his face, was happy for us, and sensed that he receives much pleasure in helping couples grow their family.

I asked Dr. M my final questions.  The most pressing concern was about tapering off my PIO (progesterone in oil) and estrogen patches.  I had fears of miscarriage once I stopped taking progesterone and estrogen, but Dr. M reassured me by saying my chances of m/c dropped from 15% to 5% by hearing the heartbeat.  My ovaries have been working hard to help the baby, then the placenta takes over between 6-9 weeks to maintain the hormones.  Dr. M is conservative in how long he keeps patients on PIO and estrogen and said I have an ample supply in my system until the placenta can cover it.

Towards the end of our conversation, I presented Dr. M with his gift and he liked it.  He said he would share it with the girls, but told him he didn't have to since the girls have their own and I pulled one out of the bag to show him.  I told him he had the better candy though.  I was happy Dr. M knew what the tag meant, unlike J, and he explained it in his own words.  It was time to say our good-byes and I cried.  Dr. M said I would be in good hands with my ob/gyn and said to send him a picture to add to his baby board.  While he walked us to meet with Deb, NP, I asked if I could give him a hug.  Dr. M smiled slightly and opened his arms.  I gave him a big hug and Dr. M shook J's hand.  I was happy to get my hug!

Deb was waiting for us and presented us with an April calendar for tapering off my meds.  According to the calendar, April 19 is the last day of PIO, estrogen patches, and taking metformin.  YAHOO!!!!!!  I told Deb the 19th is a day after my birthday and she said it was her birthday gift to me.  We hugged and said our good-bye's.  I gave D her present and she called the phlebotomists over to pick up their little gift.  Unfortunately, Michelle (embryologist), was at lunch and we didn't get to see her.

Dr. M released me as a patient and we walked out with a happy ending to our new beginning!  We thank God for providing our baby after TTC for 5 years.  I realize we could've been in a very different place if IVF didn't take and if I got a BFN (big fat negative).  I'm truly humbled and my heart goes out to my IF forum friends and bloggers who got a bfn this cycle.  I admire your strength and courage for not giving up on your heart's desire and pressing on in faith and hope.

What a roller-coaster ride IF has been and the ride has come to an end.  We've longed to start the next chapter of our story and will enjoy this pregnancy.  Thank you for being with us on this ride.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Thank you gifts

Tomorrow is our last consult with Dr. M and I wanted to do something to show our appreciation.  I didn't want to spend too much $ since we spent so much already, but I looked on my pinterest account, http://pinterest.com/lizahnya, for ideas and found a craft I was excited to make.  My thank you candy gram turned out like this:

I'm quite pleased with how they turned out!  The tag is the elementary school counselor in me.  I'd teach students some relaxation techniques and one of them is to make lemonade with their hands whenever they felt anxious or stressed.  I thought the tag was appropriate since my journey with IF has been such a roller-coaster ride.  If you'd like to make one, check out my pinterest account for the font I used to make the tag and the lemon printable.  The "horseshoes and lemonade" font is located in my "Fonts" board and the lemons are in my "Printable" board.  It's very doable! 

Dollar store purchases:
  • glass cracker jars
  • Lemon Head candy boxes
  • yellow polka dot ribbon
Items lying around the house:
  • heavy stock paper
  • double sided tape
  • natural raffia ribbon
  • scissors 
  • hole puncher
Dr. M's gift cost $12 because his lemon drop candies are from The Sweet Factory.  I wish I could afford the lemon drops for the girls, but decided to substitute their jars with Lemon Heads.  Each one cost $3.50! 

Total: $26
Dr. M (RE) = $12
Michelle (embryologist) = $3.50
Deb & Sue (NP's) = $3.50
Babs & Cindy (Phlebotomists) = $3.50
Delphine & Janice (U/S techs) = $3.50

I hope they like it!  I'm looking forward to handing them out :)

The next time we meet with Dr. M again is when we return for our frost babies.  It's so surreal.  I'll be 7 weeks tomorrow and we're super excited to see our baby's heartbeat tomorrow! 

Thanks SR for these beautiful flowers last week!

Monday, March 5, 2012

1st ultrasound!

Our 1ww to ultrasound after the 2ww was just as nerve wrecking!  Around midnight, on Saturday evening, I was spotting!  I yelled out to James and he came rushing over.  Panic, fear, and worry engulfed me because my worst nightmare became a reality.  Different thoughts were running through my mind: "am I miscarrying", "i think i'm too far along for implementation bleeding", "please God, let it stop!"  I was terrified and cried some while J was trying to comfort me.  With IF, I'm always going to worry a little more.  Really, I'll worry through the entire pregnancy until I feel the baby lying on my chest on delivery day.  Thankfully, it wasn't a lot of bleeding and since it was late, I didn't have much time to dwell on it because I was physically exhausted.  We got ready for bed and J prayed.  I wanted peace of mind and Monday's ultrasound seemed so far away.  I had to trust God and surrender the baby to him.  I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep. 

Sunday  morning, I left a message at the clinic and quickly got a call back from an RE on duty.  The doctor asked me some questions and told me to call again if the bleeding and cramping continued.  The RE wasn't overly concerned and she told me to rest with minimal activity around the house.  I cancelled breakfast with an old friend who was visiting from out of town and we missed church.  I slept all afternoon and J took awesome care of me.  I was anxious about spotting again and a friend reminded me to "cast all my anxieties on him because he cares for you" - 1 Peter 5:7.  I meditated on that verse all day and PTL, I didn't spot! Thanks M!

This morning, J and I went in for our 8am ultrasound appointment.  With traffic, we were 10 mins late.  After checking in, we were greeted by Babs (phlebotomist), Deb (nurse), and Delphine (ultrasound tech) ... they were wondering when we'd arrive because they wanted to see the picture!  They were so cute!  Delphine showed us the gestational sac and yolk developing inside the uterus...praise God!  The yolk provides nourishment for the baby inside the gestational sac.  The yolk size is .34 cm and gestational sac size is 1.10 cm.  After the u/s, we waited for our turn to meet with Deb and Michelle (embryologist) came out to see our u/s picture and gave me a big hug.   She's so sweet!  She had to get back to work and continue babysitting other embies. 
The gestational sac and yolk is the almond shaped nut in the middle.  According to babycenter.com, our baby is the size of a sesame seed and looks more like a tiny tadpole than a human.  From 4 wks until 10 wks, all of our baby's organs will begin to develop and some will begin to function.  Amazing!
With pregnancy, many blood vessels are being formed with the growth of the placenta.  Deb believes the spotting was due to a ruptured blood vessel in the cervix.  I've been constipated (i know...tmi) and the straining could have caused it to occur.  The u/s would have shown if there was bleeding and Delphine didn't see any effects of it so the baby is OK!  Here's a link to an article about the different types of pregnancy bleeding:  http://www.welcomebabyhome.com/pregnancy/pregnancy_bleeding_pregnancy.htm  We're so thankful we saw the baby doing well this morning.  We'll see his or her heartbeat on the 15th!  We're 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant and our due date is October 30 or 31st! 

My OHSS is better!  The fluid is gone from my abdominal cavity but my ovaries are still swollen by the pregnancy.  My right ovary is bigger with 3 cysts and my left ovary is the same as before with 2.

I had more bw done on Friday at Quest to check the following:
fasting blood sugar = 83
hemoglobin = 5.4
TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) = 2.93, between 1-2 is ideal.
Dr. M increased my Synthroid dose to 75 mg.

After our 2nd ultrasound on March 15, we have our last consult scheduled with Dr. M until we return for our FET (frozen egg transfer).  I feel like it's too early to release me to an OB/GYN, but his job is complete.  It's so bittersweet!  I'll most likely cry on the way out.   I think Dr. M likes his personal space, but wonder if he'll let me give him a big hug. 

Thank you to the Tsangs for the beautiful flowers and KK for stopping by with A & J and blessing us with all the delicious meals!