Sono

This morning, I had my sonohysterography at 10am at Dr. M's office. A sono looks inside the uterus cavity to determine if it's a healthy home to grow a baby.  The ultrasound tech started with a baseline ultrasound to look at the lining of my uterus.  She looked around and said she couldn't find my left fillopian tube.  I said, "Oh, yeah...that was removed"  and she asked if I had an ectopic.  I replied, "Yes" and she asked when it happened.  I answered, "in April and on my birthday".  This is the first time, since the ectopic, I'm reminded of my missing body part.  I know my left tube is completely removed, but I still feel like it's still there until someone reminds me of the truth.  It's weird.  I can't explain it. Oh, that's right...it's called denial. 

The tech asked me if a resident could perform my sono and I was hesitant because I had an awful experience with a resident at Abington the night of my ectopic.  Plus, I don't appreciate being a guiney pig with everything I've been through, but I know students learn by practicing.  The tech reasurred me that she's done this many times before and she's good at it, so I complied.  Dr. M and resident walked in and to my relief, it was the resident who gave me the mini-bio lesson during our IVF consult!  I trust my doctor and I liked the resident, but didn't trust her yet.  Dr. M was chatting with me while the resident put the speculum in.  After a while, I couldn't talk anymore because I was getting tense and anxious about the upcoming pain.  I decided to close my eyes and do some deep breathing, which helped me to relax my body.  In the meantime, my cervix was cleansed and the iodine solution was injected into the cavity of my uterus.  The iodine caused some mild cramping and am thankful the pain wasn't as intense in comparison to the HSG x-ray.  Taking 2 midol an hour before the procedure helped too!  Next, with a smaller speculum, the resident did a practice run of the catheter pass  to make sure that Dr. M will be able to insert our 2 embryos into my uterus without a hitch.  It went smoothly.  The good news is the lining of my uterus looks healthy and I'm relieved.  Dr. M decided to take a look at my ovaries and for the first time I saw the cysts surrounding my ovaries on the ultrasound TV.  I certainly have PCOS.

I'm thankful the pain was bearable and not painful.  Thanks SR for driving me to my appointment and for being there. 

The cost: $50 copay

IVF Orientation

This morning I drove an hour to Reading to meet with my nurse, D.  She started to explain the steps I need to go through and quickly felt overwhelmed with all the information and wished that James was with me.  D started off by telling me that I need to start the pill on Thursday.  What a surprise since I'm trying to get pregnant!  Due to my long cycle, my ovulation is sporatic and difficult to predict so the pill will help. By the end of this week, I need to decide on a pharmacy for D to order my drugs.  In addition to taking the pill, my body will be injected with Luprone (thigh), Follistem (stomach), Repronex (behind), HCG (behind), and Progesterone shots (behind).  One word: DREAD.  I'm dreading all these shots!  Keeping track of my meds, timing my injections, rotating my shot placements, burning sensations, marks, and the side effects of Luprone start in 2 weeks.  I'm purchasing a calendar with lots of space to write so I can keep track of it all.  Before I left, D went over all the consent forms James and I need to sign and suggested I get my blood drawn today or next Thursday when I have my Sono since Quest doesn't administer the type I need.  I opted to get it over with and had it done before I left.  Not a good choice because according to my standards, I didn't drink enough water in the morning and feared the phlebotomist wouldn't be able to find a vein or that nothing would come out.  The phlebotomist  had a student with her and she found a vein, but would quickly loose it.  I was a little nervous and was hoping she'd do a good job.  The student poked me on my right arm with no success.  The phlebotomist had a try, found a vein, poked me on my left arm, did lots of digging and I asked her to stop because it hurt.  The phlebotomist tried again on my right arm, did some digging, and got blood!  The combination of having to use a big needle and possibly not drinking enough water made it a bad experience.  I got home an hour later, cried, and took a little nap.  I was exhausted. 
Why is having a baby so complicated and hard?  It wasn't meant to be this way.  It's not what God intended.  God desires fertility among men and women so we can bear fruit and multiply, but we live in a fallen world and one of its many consequences is the dreaded word, infertility. 
Despite my morning, I'm remembering to count my blessings and we're blessed to be able to afford IVF and everything else that comes with it.   

The cost: free

First month of preparation begins

Today marks the start of my preparation for IVF.  I'll have to get an AMH (Anti-Mullerian Hormone) test, a SHG (sonohystogram), and PFA (platelet function assay) test this week.  The AMH bloodwork will reveal my ovarian function, remaining egg supply, and predicts my success rate with IVF.  Pray for high AMH levels, which increases the number of eggs retrieved with the fertiity drugs.  The SHG is an ultrasound to check the health of my uterus.  I'll experience some cramping and my doctor will do a catheter pass as a test run to make sure things run smoothly the day of the drop.  The PFA is needed to see if I have blood clotting issues which would interfere with implementation (attaching) to the uterus. 

The process of getting poked and prodded is about to begin all over again and I'm tired after 4 years of TTC (trying to conceive).  "When I am weak, He is strong."  I need his strength and his strong arms around me as we go through this process.  We covet your prayers!

Invitro

After multiple losses and a ruptured ectopic pregnancy, the path of least resistance is invitro.  I can get pregnant and have 5 times, but my embryos don't implant (attach) to my uterus. Since I've experienced 1 ectopic already, my chances have increased for another one and I never want to go through that again if I can help it.  I'll write about my tubal pregnancy on a later post.  

Our 4, going on 5 years of TTC (trying to conceive) has been a long and bumpy roller-coaster ride and we're not exiting just yet.  James and I went to our invitro consult a few weeks ago and experienced major information overload.  I got a mini-biology lesson since science was never a strength, listened carefully to the cost breakdown, and paid attention to the medications I'd have to take/administer. 


The process is starting all over again and the bottom line is that I am scared of another disappointment.   I'm trying to be hopeful in times of uncertainty and trusting in the Lord regardless of the outcome.