1st ultrasound!

Our 1ww to ultrasound after the 2ww was just as nerve wrecking!  Around midnight, on Saturday evening, I was spotting!  I yelled out to James and he came rushing over.  Panic, fear, and worry engulfed me because my worst nightmare became a reality.  Different thoughts were running through my mind: "am I miscarrying", "i think i'm too far along for implementation bleeding", "please God, let it stop!"  I was terrified and cried some while J was trying to comfort me.  With IF, I'm always going to worry a little more.  Really, I'll worry through the entire pregnancy until I feel the baby lying on my chest on delivery day.  Thankfully, it wasn't a lot of bleeding and since it was late, I didn't have much time to dwell on it because I was physically exhausted.  We got ready for bed and J prayed.  I wanted peace of mind and Monday's ultrasound seemed so far away.  I had to trust God and surrender the baby to him.  I closed my eyes and fell into a deep sleep. 

Sunday  morning, I left a message at the clinic and quickly got a call back from an RE on duty.  The doctor asked me some questions and told me to call again if the bleeding and cramping continued.  The RE wasn't overly concerned and she told me to rest with minimal activity around the house.  I cancelled breakfast with an old friend who was visiting from out of town and we missed church.  I slept all afternoon and J took awesome care of me.  I was anxious about spotting again and a friend reminded me to "cast all my anxieties on him because he cares for you" - 1 Peter 5:7.  I meditated on that verse all day and PTL, I didn't spot! Thanks M!

This morning, J and I went in for our 8am ultrasound appointment.  With traffic, we were 10 mins late.  After checking in, we were greeted by Babs (phlebotomist), Deb (nurse), and Delphine (ultrasound tech) ... they were wondering when we'd arrive because they wanted to see the picture!  They were so cute!  Delphine showed us the gestational sac and yolk developing inside the uterus...praise God!  The yolk provides nourishment for the baby inside the gestational sac.  The yolk size is .34 cm and gestational sac size is 1.10 cm.  After the u/s, we waited for our turn to meet with Deb and Michelle (embryologist) came out to see our u/s picture and gave me a big hug.   She's so sweet!  She had to get back to work and continue babysitting other embies. 

The gestational sac and yolk is the almond shaped nut in the middle.  According to babycenter.com, our baby is the size of a sesame seed and looks more like a tiny tadpole than a human.  From 4 wks until 10 wks, all of our baby's organs will begin to develop and some will begin to function.  Amazing!

With pregnancy, many blood vessels are being formed with the growth of the placenta.  Deb believes the spotting was due to a ruptured blood vessel in the cervix.  I've been constipated (i know...tmi) and the straining could have caused it to occur.  The u/s would have shown if there was bleeding and Delphine didn't see any effects of it so the baby is OK!  Here's a link to an article about the different types of pregnancy bleeding:  http://www.welcomebabyhome.com/pregnancy/pregnancy_bleeding_pregnancy.htm  We're so thankful we saw the baby doing well this morning.  We'll see his or her heartbeat on the 15th!  We're 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant and our due date is October 30 or 31st! 

My OHSS is better!  The fluid is gone from my abdominal cavity but my ovaries are still swollen by the pregnancy.  My right ovary is bigger with 3 cysts and my left ovary is the same as before with 2.

I had more bw done on Friday at Quest to check the following:
fasting blood sugar = 83
hemoglobin = 5.4
TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) = 2.93, between 1-2 is ideal.
Dr. M increased my Synthroid dose to 75 mg.

After our 2nd ultrasound on March 15, we have our last consult scheduled with Dr. M until we return for our FET (frozen egg transfer).  I feel like it's too early to release me to an OB/GYN, but his job is complete.  It's so bittersweet!  I'll most likely cry on the way out.   I think Dr. M likes his personal space, but wonder if he'll let me give him a big hug. 

Thank you to the Tsangs for the beautiful flowers and KK for stopping by with A & J and blessing us with all the delicious meals! 

17dpt = 4 1/2 weeks

Yesterday, I had an u/s (ultrasound) to see if my ovaries shrunk and to check in on how much fluid was left in my abdominal cavity.  My ovaries are the same size from last weeks u/s, but I have less fluid on my right side.   Due to my pcos, my cysts on ovaries are waxing and waning between my two ovaries and are still enlarged due to the fertility meds.  My last u/s showed that I had 2 or 3 enlarged cysts on my right ovary before and yesterday, I had 1.  My left ovary showed 3 enlarged cysts.  My tech, Janice, said she likes to see a gradual decline is size and so far so good!  J looked at my uterus and it was too soon to see anything.  J mentioned a heartbeat could be seen with a 1,200 beta and that will be in a few weeks.

I didn't get any bw done to check my beta level and it was nice break for my veins!  They don't want to get caught up with the numbers and I guess that's a good thing because it can get obsessive.  They saw a good rise with the second beta so I guess they were pleased, but I am curious to know what my levels are.  I have no choice but to let it go.
 
Our next appointment is on Monday, 3/5,  for an u/s to see our pregnancy in the uterus, look for a developing gestational sac, and find out if we have 1 or 2 growing! I'm hoping the embies are where they're supposed to be and they haven't floated up to my right tube.  I hate worrying about ectopics and pray against it.  I sat in a special position for 2 hours after ET (egg transfer) to prevent an ectopic and hope that helped, but nothing is guaranteed.  Please pray the sac and babies are developing nicely in the uterus.

Interestingly, I'm 4 1/2 weeks pregnant!  I was confused because my 2ww (week wait) just ended and I didn't understand how I was 4 1/2 weeks already. RE's consider egg development the beginning of pregnancy - so when I was Follistim - my pregnancy began!  By egg retrieval (ER), which was Feb 9, I was already 2 weeks pregnant and it's also our date of conception since the sperm and egg met.   
By Monday, I'll be 5 1/2 weeks pregnant and then the following week to 10 days, we'll see a heart beat!  Our estimated due date is the end of October or the beginning of November! 

GLORY!

It's 13dpt on Feb 24.  My estrogen is 2747 and progesterone is over 200.  Our beta, the pregnancy hormone, is 157!  WE'RE PREGNANT and terribly thrilled and humbled by it all!

I have a confession...We've known since Wed that we're pregnant, but didn't want to make the announcement until I knew my beta level was on the rise.  I <3 my IVF team!  Without my knowledge, my embryologist, Michelle, ordered my beta 2 days ahead of schedule and included it in with my routine estrogen and progesterone check.  As usual, my NP, Deb, called me in the afternoon with my estrogen and progesterone results.  D continued to tell me that M was next to her and that she had ordered my beta early because she was anxious to know!  My beta was 87!  First of all, I was in complete shock because I didn't expect M's brilliant move to surprise me with an early beta test and was touched that she couldn't wait while J and I could.  LOL!  So ironic!  I cried tears of joy and couldn't stop thanking them.  As soon as I got off the phone with D, I thanked and worshiped the Lord!  I texted J and asked if he could call me.  He called right away and heard me crying so he was worried that I had some bad news.  To his relief and joy, it was tears of joy and good news for a change.

J and I went in this morning for our 2nd beta and we had a warm welcome and congratulations from my phlebotomists and ultrasound tech.   One phlebotomists, Babs, gave me a big hug!  She's my favorite because she suggests local restaurants to try and she doesn't hurt me.  B practically met most of my family and friends, and reminds me that she hasn't met my mom yet because B was off that day.  B met my dad twice already and he made an impression on her since he came in dressed in his suit and his fedora in hand.  B mentions how much she likes him and his style. 

We've told our family the good news and that's been fun!  A big THANK YOU to those who have read, followed, and had sticky thoughts and prayers for us on this roller-coaster ride of a journey!

Glory to God!  I thought this day would never come after 5 long years of suffering and TTC.  We're still not out of the woods yet since it's early, but we're going to enjoy every day we have with the life or lives growing inside.

These words from my devotional resonate with me:
But Paul wrote that "if we are to share his glory, we must also share in his suffering" (Romans 8:17).  To begin to grasp what this will mean for us, we must see that "suffering of Jesus" is an alternative term for the "glory of Jesus." Again and again in Scripture, Jesus' death by crucifixion is referred to as his glorification.  For example, Jesus said, "The time has come for the Son of Man to enter into his glory" (John 12:23).  He wasn't yet ascending to heaven; he was heading to the Cross.  Unimaginable glory was put on display through the appalling suffering of the Cross.  His greatest humiliation was also his ultimate exaltation.  Suffering is glory in God's economy.  They are not at opposite ends of the spectrum, but mysteriously intertwined. 

Honestly, I haven't focused on the pathway of glory in the midst of my suffering because I didn't sign up to experience IF, MC, and grief.  Really, I don't want to suffer at all!  My suffering has slowly chipped away at my pride and caused me to wrestle with a lot of things.  I still worry and am afraid that something will go wrong, but it's not helpful.  I'm learning to trust God with this and covet your thoughts and prayers!

This message was kept secret for centuries and generations past, but now it has been revealed to his own holy people.  For it has pleased God to tell his people that the riches and glory of Christ are for you Gentiles (add your name here), too.  For this is the secret:  Christ lives in you, and this is your assurance that you will share in his glory.  

Colossians 1: 26-27

In his kindness God called you to his eternal glory by means of Jesus Christ.  After you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. 

1 Peter 5:10

12dpt3dt

Today marks our 12th day post transfer.  Tomorrow is our scheduled beta and we're anxious to get our number!  Yesterday, my estrogen was 2,929 and progesterone was over 200.  My numbers are rising and my OHSS symptoms persist, but I'd rather feel something than nothing at all!  :)  A cute visual of how I feel with fluid in my belly: 

 

I came across the image above on pinterest.  If you don't know what pinterest is, it's a "virtual pinboard" that lets me "collect the things I like."  I've created pinboards that organize my favorite recipes, desserts, interests, etc.  If you'd like to get started, you can register for an invite or get one through an existing pinster, like myself.  I just need your email address and I'll gladly send you an invite!  Feel free to click on the red button on the top right to check out my boards.  Below are some quotes from my "words to live by" board.  

Happy pinning!  It can be addictive.

9dpt3dt

We've missed a few weeks of church due to BWs (blood work) and our ET (egg transfer); it was so good to worship yesterday and catch up with some friends!  I was filled with the holy spirit when we sang, "Forever Reign."  Take a listen:

Today is our 9dpt3dt (9 days post transfer of a 3 day transfer) and I officially have late OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome).  It is a side-effect from some forms of fertility meds whereby the ovaries get enlarged and fluid is built up in the abdominal cavity.  There are 3 levels of OHSS - mild, moderate, and severe.  I fluctuate between moderate and severe.  Dr. M doesn't think I need to be hospitalized unless I can't breathe, urinate, or gain too much weight.  I'm thankful my OHSS decided to show up late and not earlier during ER (egg retrieval) or ET (egg transfer) and interfere with our timeline.  For more info: http://infertilityblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/ovarian-hyperstimulation.html

According to: http://www.advancedfertility.com/ovarian-hyperstimulation.htm, PCOS women are at a higher risk to get OHSS than the average IVF patient.  

My symptoms started over the weekend and they include:

• Mild weight gain (4lbs)
• Nausea 
• Severe abdominal pain
• Severe bloating
• Severe nausea (so much that you can’t keep down any food or fluids)
• Vomiting

My treatment:

• Drink at least 10 c. of electrolyte water a day
• Increase sodium intake
• No pelvic exercise (in layman's terms - no sex)
• No excess fluids

I woke up this morning feeling very uncomfortable and nauseated.  JP picked me up for BW this morning and I'm so glad she drove me because she pulled over just in time for me to vomit.  I felt so much better and thought maybe this was a good sign!  After my BW, I asked to see my NP (nurse practitioner) and told her what had happened.  She had me do an ultrasound and more BW to check my electrolytes, sodium levels, and internal organs.  My ultrasound showed that my ovaries aren't too enlarged so there was no need to worry.  My NP weighed me (I gained 4 lbs.), took my blood pressure, and measured my belly.  Dr. M did an abdomen check and confirmed that fluid is stuck in my abdomen cavity because it was soft to the touch and it made a hollow sound when he knocked on my belly.   Dr. M didn't want to get my hopes up, but he said that late OHSS is a good sign of pregnancy.  Per, http://www.drmalpani.com/ovarian-hyperstimulation-syndrome.htm:

"Interestingly, the worst cases of hyperstimulation syndrome occur when a woman becomes pregnant. This is because her placenta is making HCG and stimulating the ovaries to continue to pour out large amounts of estrogen-rich fluid. So although it is a very unpleasant side effect to endure, hyperstimulation syndrome often means good news."

This afternoon, my NP called with my BW results.  Estrogen is 1,945 and progesterone is 173.  My levels, in addition to the fluid is causing the OHSS.  My sodium level is low and need to increase my salt intake in order to help pull the fluid to where it needs to be and leave my abdomen.  I thought salt causes water retention, but with OHSS, salt pulls the fluid from the abdomen.  With OHSS my blood vessels have become leaky and I'm leaking fluid into the surrounding tissues. Salt helps keep the fluid in the vessels helping to evenly distribute the fluid in my body instead of it gathering in my ovaries, abdomen, or lungs. The water build up makes the symptoms worse.  As soon as my call ended, I opened a new bag of salty organic potato chips.  Delicious!  I go again on Wed morning for 2 BWs and ultrasound.

We spent a lot of time at Dr. M's office this morning and it was well worth it.  Thanks JP for being with me!  By the time we left, it was time for lunch and we ate at Red Robin.  Yum!  We have our 1st BETA in 4 days!  I'm anxious to POAS (pee on a stick), but J wants to wait.  I respect his thoughts on waiting.  I'm glad he's the strong one.   Thanks for your thoughts and prayers for a BFP (big fat positive)!

2nd blood work result

A nurse who I'm not familiar with called and said my estrogen and progesterone levels looked good. I fished to get specific numbers but she didn't share them with me, plus I had to catch a movie so I didn't flat out ask her for them. Going again on Mon and hope my numbers continue to rise over the weekend. I feel like my normal self with some mild cramping, which I hear is normal and a good sign. I wish I could know what's going on inside my body! So far, I'm 6dpt3dt = 6 days post transfer for a 3rd day transfer.

According to www.nyufertilitycenter.org/ivf/embryo_transfer, implantation continues 6 days past a 3-Day Transfer.

Did I need to start bed rest again? An IVF sister who's read lots of studies shared that prolonged resting doesn't affect implantation. The way she heard it best explained is that your uterus doesn't have air in the middle - it's more like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. When ET (egg transfer) happens, the embryo is stuck in the pb&j and implementation happens with the interaction between your embryo growth and your uterine lining. So, bottom line is that I don't need to worry about bed resting again. I guess this is one of the many reasons why Dr. M wanted to see the triple layer in my uterus and used only the good quality embies.

It's all so complicated that I'm glad God is in control. All this information goes over my head, but I am intrigued by it all.

The illustration made me hungry.  Keep those sticky thoughts and prayers coming!

BW results

My NP (nurse practitioner), Deb, called with good news...my estrodial is 1,874 and progesterone is 139.7.  Four days after the transfer, hormone levels drop dramatically so I'm instructed to up my PIO (progesterone in oil) dose to 1 cc and start my 2 Vivelle (estrogen) patches tomorrow night.  My PIO shots are creating some soreness, but it's bearable.  It helps to massage the oil into the muscle for a few minutes and use a heating pad if needed.  Praying my levels increase and for 'sticky' thoughts and prayers. So far, so good! 

BW - blood work, coffee, and bed rest

Went in for BW to check my estrogen and progesterone levels this morning with DH (darling husband).  Left home at 7am and arrived by 8am.  Left the office by 8:15 am and stopped by Christine's to get breakfast before DH went to work.  I've really enjoyed eating at different breakfast joints because it's my favorite meal of the day and I allow myself 1 cup of coffee.  I've read mixed reviews on coffee drinking while TTC and my RE (reproductive endocrinologist) says 1 c. is OK, but I decided to stop.  I stopped drinking coffee at home and purposely don't buy hazelnut flavored coffee creamer to keep me away from my vice.    But, it's so tempting though when I have access to creamer, like at home group.  I give in and let myself drink a little bit.

Bed rest is over!  I stayed in bed Sun-Tues and walked down the stairs this morning to go to BW.  The first thing I wanted to check on was my gerber daisy plant.  J hasn't watered it, but it was fine.  For the longest time, the little one took the longest time to sprout and to my delight, it greeted me with a big bloom.  I teared up...it's my hormones.

To commemorate my last day of bed rest, I'm posting some pics of food.  I LOVE FOOD!

                                           DH made me breakfasts!

                                           Cookies from Soo and YM...yum!

                                           Casserole from the Solt's and
                                            sides from YM...yum!

                                      Choc Caramel centered cupcakes
                                      from Sarah...delish!

                                          Soft pretzel bites w/cheese
                                          from Joyce...hit the spot!

Missing from the shot list is Korean food because I scarfed it down and didn't stop to take pics.